On Insecurities

Insecurity by definition is “lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt”. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/insecurity

I have them. Most people have them but are scared to admit it. I accept my insecurities. I am aware of things I should work on. If we acknowledge our insecurities, we have a better chance of improving. We leave enough room for ourselves so we can be the best that we can be.

There are people who choose to deny these insecurities. Somewhere in a tiny compartment in their heads, they know that they are inadequate. They lock this compartment and wrap a chain around it. Suppression causes this feeling to grow bigger and bigger and its just so overwhelming how big it gets. This results in bigheadedness (no wonder he looks like humpty dumpty); arrogance; jealousy and rudeness.

They will torture every one around them. They will announce, expose or even make up mistakes in what you do or say so they can feel better about themselves. They crave for your undivided attention and they will waste your time over the most senseless activities and conversations.

They will put you down and humiliate you in front of everyone because you’re his or her competition.

These people will annoy us. They are a nuisance.

but let them be.

This sounds like a cliche,but maybe they can’t face their problem because the problem is their face. They must have miserable lives. They probably know they’re dispensable.

I’m sorry to sound so cruel, but they should be nicer.

You know how some people seem so attractive even if they’re not really good looking? It’s their personality. Their lovely, bubbly, pleasant personality. They radiate positive energy and they attract success.

Done ranting.

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Cool But Weird Series Of Events

I promised myself that I’ll blog about this. I still have to create name tags for an invitational company affair but I’ll blog first. This will be quick.

Last week, I saw a dude. He was facing the other way, but I could tell he’s a dude. He had really long hair, an average height and an average built–just like my kind supervisor when I still worked in a contact center somewhere in the MOA area. Then I saw his face, nope not my Sir Fidus.

Then the other night I had the strangest dream. Our neighborhood was being attacked by a Kapre. The giant really looked like my Sir Fidus. Yes, he’s a goodlooking male giant.

In that dark dream, I saw my Ate Joyce. She was terrified. She gave me and my nephew Julian sleeping pills and asked us to take it. We fell asleep. My Ate asked my cousin Cancan to bring us to the airport. She probably made me go with Julian so he has a grown up with him when he wakes up.

Then I woke up relieved to find out it was all a dream. Relieved to know that I am very late for work but there are no giants outside.

This morning, as I was walking speedily to work (because I’m late again) somewhere along Taft, someone said my name.

I stopped to see who it was. It was my Sir Fidus. Still looking like a rockstar. He remains unchanged. Like how he looked like on the first evening my wave was thrown on the floor to take our first live calls.

Four years had passed since that evening, but I still cannot forget the good times I had and the punctuality I possessed when I was still part of that group. How we all smoked by the gutter as we watched the construction of Esplanade One and the building right in front of Building F. How we all went to Petron to grab a beer after shift as we wait for the public vehicles we ride to go home. How we bonded in a resort in Laguna.

It was all good.

Now we all live separate lives, some applied to other companies. Some have stayed and some were promoted. I don’t wanna talk about why I left, but I would have stayed longer if I didn’t have to go.

Filed under: Uncategorized , Call Center, Fidus Beloria, MOA, Events

Homophobes In Our Home

Its about 2:00am. I cannot sleep. I am hurt. I am in pain. My heart seeks violent revenge. Its stupid to dwell on this. Its a waste of time and energy to replay their their words in my head over and over again. It is wrong to be like this, but I can’t help it. I am really, really very angry.

I’m gay. I love T.Yawn–who’s also gay. We’re a lesbian couple. We aren’t asking for much from the people around us. Just a little respect, a little consideration, a little brain activity.

We are aware of the offensive, derogatory terms cruel people use to describe us. One term was said in aloud repeatedly, about twenty times, in my house by butt-ugly f***heads who were welcomed by my family so they can finish a project and pass a course.

They are my Ate’s groupmates. One groupmate even stayed in our room to use our newly-repaired PC. Its a clear invasion of my privacy but my Ate has been very helpful lately and I wanted to return the kindness.

The groupmate who stayed in my room prolly saw T.Yawn as she hugged me and kissed my wide forehead.

T.Yawn needed to go home early. We said our goodnights. I began preparing Codie’s food in the dirty kitchen.. F***heads were a few meters away , drinking, celebrating their accomplishment. Good for them, I thought.

Then they started yelling out this word. Speaking of how they can easily hurt my kind if they wanted to. Throwing words against women who love women.

Why didn’t I do anything? Is it because my back was turned (“they can’t possibly be talking about me and T.Yawn, fighting is very dangerous…”-blah.)? Or is it because I’m a coward and I can’t stand up for what’s right? Their thinking is crooked and painful when they act upon it in the midst of others.

They were in my house, in my family’s property. I have privileges and rights in this house. I can do as I wish but I just froze.

We can deal with people who aren’t comfortable around “us”. We understand them. We usually don’t complain.

But threaten us? Come on!

We are not to blame for their microscopic d***s and their virginity.

Ri, my dear, My Love. I am weak. I don’t know how to attack–I may not be strong enough to defend you from those jologs. My clumsiness in combat will not guarantee your safety.

But I’ll cover your ears with my hands so you may only hear the music in your iPod. I’ll embrace you to keep you warm against a storm. I will take a bullet for you in a heartbeat.

Love always,

Squishy Baby

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VBlog 2 – New Year Diet Plan feat. George/Bob

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1st Official VBlog

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My Baby’s Present – The Flip Ultra =D

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Music Wall of Fame

Time for a quick post! I was already socializing in Friendster before I heard of Myspace/ Myspace Music. I only learned about Myspace when DSL connection was first installed at home. I listened to all the songs of my fave bands, local and foreign. I noticed that most bands have a Myspace Music account and that this social networking site is very popular in the US! Its awesome! I wanna hear a song, I go to Myspace and voila my ears indulge.

I have some friends in my list too =)

 

...and lots...

 

..lots of artists

 

Filed under: Uncategorized , DSL, Friends, friendster, Music, Myspace, networking, Songs

Vrooomvroooom!

I’ve been working on this project for a couple of months now. It’s fun! Creating a website makes me feel intelligent, high and mighty. I’d like to thank Friendster, because it triggered my interest to cut and paste HTML codes that I did not write. Visit us sometime?

The Official Website of the Philippine Automotive Industry

Filed under: Uncategorized , cars, friendster, html, philippine automotive, website

Taft Town Girl

That kinda sucked. Weak. Very weak. Heheheh! Well, just want to share the happenings in the past month.

I left BOI (won’t be able to see Ri as often =c ) and was assigned here in our Taft Office. (Leo got a new job too! It should only take about 15 minutes for me to walk to his office!) =D

The thing I hate most about being assigned in Manila, is the commute. It’s so exhausting. Nakakaharass.
I have to ride a jeep. Its usually ok if I’m taking a jeep while I loiter in Sucat, Las Pinas, BF, or Alabang. Not stressful at all. In fact, I find it fun.

But the jeep ride from Baclaran to Dr. A Santos Avenue and vice versa during the rush hour, that route…sucks the life out of me. Its super bad for my complexion, my skin, my lungs.

I literally feel pain in my chest. When I reach home, I blow my nose and there- let’s boogie. I wish there’s a shuttle near by. Yung aircon man lang. I’m minutes away from San Antonio Village, which means I’m again, minutes away from Saguijo. But you know what, I cannot even think of going to Saguijo because I’m poor. I’m ok. just poorer than usual. I know though that the secret to getting rich is actually believing–in that moment that you’re rich.

Its still different when you see and feel the money, the expensive cellphone, the sleek laptop, the ipod that can hold a gajillion songs and the sports car you got for yourself. Its different. So I won’t pretend that I already have those cos it only makes me bitter.

I wanna go home now. I need to avoid the traffic and I could use a beer.

Home, beer–got those. I’m still good.

Filed under: Uncategorized , Baclaran, beer, jeep, money, Saguijo, taft

Suede Lazy

‘Cos I feel this way quite often…

This video was released in 1997. Back then I thought this was modern and Suede’s glammy rock image
is something new.

Oh well. Just watch.

Filed under: Uncategorized , Lazy, Suede